"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
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I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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