i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize