so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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