I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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