i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
