Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
