Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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