Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
