my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
