I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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