i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
