in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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