party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How naked do you want me to be?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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