Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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