i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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