if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
