She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
