is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
