Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
