how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
