You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
