Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
