She's JV to your varsity
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
