OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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