Buhtt sex?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
