sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
