I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I understand Curling. That high.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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