Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
