I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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