I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
