About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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