Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
