Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
