He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
