If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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