There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
