Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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