my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
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You. Win. At. Life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
