I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
pop tarts are not kleenex
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
