Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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