i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
