Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
