My nipple is on Facebook.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
