So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
