I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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