if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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