I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
