my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
