what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
