Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
