using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
did i walk over a car last night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
