I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
