dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
