i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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