my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
