Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
