oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is Oprah even human
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
