Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
