Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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