I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
