I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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