Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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