how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
