So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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