Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
