honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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