I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Too much gin, very little bucket
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
