pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
MIDGETS
????
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
