Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
