i will never coherently bang her
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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