well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
