i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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