6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
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I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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